just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
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