hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize
