This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
