I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
