I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
