I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
