Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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