Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Randomize
