You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
