Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Randomize
