sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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