Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
