I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
