Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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