You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Randomize
