hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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