Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
