I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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