Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
