You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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