Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
