Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
