so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
