Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
You smell like a Billy Joel song
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
