why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
