Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
