I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
