i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
