Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
