Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
