Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Randomize
