i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm too high and old for this...
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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