oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
You've changed since you got that strap on
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Randomize
