Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
