i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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