If i come over, it means nothing
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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