i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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