He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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