Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
