I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
