So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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