Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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