The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
