I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
