yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
