I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
