I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
