We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Randomize
