I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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