I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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